Motherhood as a Career

I am starting to feel like people should start asking me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I am struggling with my career choice and could use prayers. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Do I want to grow up? What career is going to fit me like a glove. What job is going to be something that I look forward to going to every day? I tell Benji often how jealous I am of his love for his job. He does not want to do anything else. The Fire Department is an extension of his home, a second family. I think that I want this in a job, but then I think...I don't want a job. I want to be a mother and a housewife. I want to join the PTA and teach Sunday school. I want to volunteer to coach my kids' softball teams. Is this not the most fulfilling job there is? Why is motherhood not "good enough"? I feel like it is not good enough for our secular world, I feel like it is not good enough in my community, I newly feel like it is not the ok thing in my family. My mother was just that...a mother. I would trade it for nothing. Looking back and knowing my mother was there if I was sick at school, was there to be the chauffeur to sports events, was there when I wanted to curl up on the couch with my head in her lap; these things are priceless. Why do women think that they have to work? Why are we not willing to give up the more material things in order to be there for our children? Are our children not worth it? Yes, I know that I am not a mother yet, but I am already feeling the pressure to be a working mother. Is it for anyone to decide but me and my husband?

My job is not what I had expected. I am not sure why this is. I student taught for 2 years in the roughest area I think possible. It should be a piece of cake now right? Wrong. I don't like it. I don't like the liberalism, I don't like the teachers and how they wait until 2:30 when the students have gone home to start bashing them individually. I hole up in my room, so as to not be a part of this. I hate the "You can't reach'em all" attitude, or the "Just let that one go, he'll never get it" that I hear every day. I hate being indoors all day. I miss adults. I want to be closer to home. I want to be a mother.